I smoke. I've smoked for 13 years. In the 13 years I've smoked I've learned one very important thing...people HATE smokers. It's an awful, smelly habit that will kill you. I totally get it. I'm not ignorant to the fact that I'm doing something that is slowly going to kill me. It's not that I don't have the facts. I know. I believe I'm a respectful smoker, if there is such a thing. I move away from non-smokers when out with friends, I don't smoke with my children in the car/while carrying them/while they play near me, I don't smoke while anyone else is eating (smokers or not), if someone comments on my smoke coming towards them I apologize and move farther away. I like to smoke. Most smokers won't admit that. I actually like it. Why would anyone like smoking, you ask? It's simple. I have two small children. I married a non-smoker. A *nagging me to quit every time I say I'm going to go smoke* type of non smoker (which either makes me want to rip the hair from my head or point out that there was a recent study that said smoking decreased anxiety and depression...much like sex does...so either start fucking me more or shut the fuck up...but back to the point). In order to smoke I have to go outside on my porch or far away from my family in order to keep the smoke from them. This means I get a whole five minutes TO MYSELF!! It's my little break. I step outside on the porch, close the sliding door, light up and slowly exhale all the stress that has built up since the last cigarette and get to enjoy the peace and quiet for those five minutes. It's my way to decompress. My anxiety relief/stress relief. It's my little break from my crazy little world. I get more peace sitting outside in the pouring rain having a smoke than I would get if I tried to pee while my children are awake. I'm not condoning smoking. I'm not saying it makes me cool or that other people should take up smoking. It is a filthy, vile habit. It just allows me those five minutes of peace that I so desperately look forward to and need. And besides, if other people started smoking, they'd want to join me...and I'm not a people person. What sort of dirty or bad habit do you have that you aren't afraid to admit?
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
My bad habit is saving my sanity...five minutes at a time
I smoke. I've smoked for 13 years. In the 13 years I've smoked I've learned one very important thing...people HATE smokers. It's an awful, smelly habit that will kill you. I totally get it. I'm not ignorant to the fact that I'm doing something that is slowly going to kill me. It's not that I don't have the facts. I know. I believe I'm a respectful smoker, if there is such a thing. I move away from non-smokers when out with friends, I don't smoke with my children in the car/while carrying them/while they play near me, I don't smoke while anyone else is eating (smokers or not), if someone comments on my smoke coming towards them I apologize and move farther away. I like to smoke. Most smokers won't admit that. I actually like it. Why would anyone like smoking, you ask? It's simple. I have two small children. I married a non-smoker. A *nagging me to quit every time I say I'm going to go smoke* type of non smoker (which either makes me want to rip the hair from my head or point out that there was a recent study that said smoking decreased anxiety and depression...much like sex does...so either start fucking me more or shut the fuck up...but back to the point). In order to smoke I have to go outside on my porch or far away from my family in order to keep the smoke from them. This means I get a whole five minutes TO MYSELF!! It's my little break. I step outside on the porch, close the sliding door, light up and slowly exhale all the stress that has built up since the last cigarette and get to enjoy the peace and quiet for those five minutes. It's my way to decompress. My anxiety relief/stress relief. It's my little break from my crazy little world. I get more peace sitting outside in the pouring rain having a smoke than I would get if I tried to pee while my children are awake. I'm not condoning smoking. I'm not saying it makes me cool or that other people should take up smoking. It is a filthy, vile habit. It just allows me those five minutes of peace that I so desperately look forward to and need. And besides, if other people started smoking, they'd want to join me...and I'm not a people person. What sort of dirty or bad habit do you have that you aren't afraid to admit?
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