I am a pretty independent, opinionated and strong person. I can and have handled a lot of different obstacles in my life, most of which I'll get into in a different post for now is not the time. However, one thing I continually struggle with is admitting I need help. It's not that I think it makes me look weak, although at times that's exactly what I feel. It's more...I feel like people should be able to SEE it. I'm a mother of two, one 3 yr old boy and one 4 month old girl. I work full time. I'm married. Lately, I can feel this ball of resentment creeping into my soul. I'm struggling. It's a very hard thing for me to admit. I'm struggling. I'm struggling with trying to find a balance between work and the attention my children deserve and demand. I'm struggling with the lack of sleep I've been getting. I'm struggling with balancing the attention between my son wanting me and my daughter needing me. I'm struggling with the housework and keeping up with the laundry. And most of all, I'm struggling with not resenting my husband for not helping out as much as I feel he should because he should SEE it. I can't go to the store, get the mail, make dinner, shower or pee without someone attached to me. And I know what some of you are thinking. "well that's what happens when you have children." I agree. I made the choice to have them and I wouldn't change it for anything. But I find myself longing for a day when he picks up the kids from daycare. Or stopping by the store without having to unload and reload two kids. Or being able to go and mow the lawn or unload the dishwasher. Oh what I would give for ten minutes in the shower to shave my legs in peace. It'll get better, right? It has to. Every mother must go through this. This struggle to find a routine. A balance between life before and life now. This need for help and the realization that you may actually have to ask for it because the significant other just doesn't see it. The resentment that can creep up inside you and rear it's ugly head before you even know it's there. That feeling when you lay your head down and think "OK. I made it through today." I'm a strong enough person to admit, I'm not super mommy. I'm struggling. I'm OK with it most days because deep down, I believe it WILL get better. It has to get better. Any other mommies out there feel the "struggle"?
I know exactly how you feel. It does get better, I think, I hope lol. A day to get a mani/pedi, haircut/color, long hot bath, shave, sleep, pee by yourself sigh what are those things. Lmao. We joke, some dont find it funny, that when our daughter gets in trouble for her potty mouth, as long as she used it right shes good. Praying her first phrase isnt wtf.
ReplyDeleteOh, yes. I know exactly how you feel. Employee, chef, housekeeper, laundry attendant, dishwasher, mom, mama, mommy, boo-boo kisser, jungle gym, snuggler... A lot of times I feel that resentment too - like a single parent in a two-parent house. I also wonder why my hubs can't "see" that I need help. And like you, I'm not good at asking for it. Also like you, I believe that some day, it has to get better...HAS TO.
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